The Missing Tape
by Kayy716
Summary: If you're listening to this, then you have already heard the rumors. Maybe you've already heard the other 13 tapes... TW: Read with caution, touches on suicide, addiction, and abuse.
1. Chapter 1

_If you're listening to this, then you have already heard the rumors. Maybe you've already heard the other 13 tapes. You probably have, Karina, god knows he couldn't keep a secret like that from you. But that's okay, I wanted you to hear them, even though you weren't on them. You were the exception. You deserved to know the truth too._

 _But you also deserved to be excused. You were never supposed to have a tape – you were the only person who actually tried. But my last day…the last time you saw me, you gave up on me too. That's why you're getting this tape. I didn't make a copy of it, I didn't send it with the others. No, your tape was for your ears only._

 _So, Karina, what do you have to say for yourself?_

Karina Torres stared blankly ahead. She had received the little cassette tape in the mail that day, having stopped home before her father got off work, only to find him already there, passed out on the couch. She didn't need to stick around to see what came next, she knew he was drunk and as soon as he woke he would take his anger out of her. He always did. So instead, she started the long way down to Tony's house, the cassette playing in her ears. She recognized the handwriting on the package as soon as she saw it. Hannah had been her best friend since she moved there her Freshman year. While Karina was a year older than Hannah, the two grew very close, very quickly, mostly because Karina had begged the Baker's for a job at their pharmacy.

That was how Hannah met Tony. Tony had been Karina's best friend since they were kids. Karina was barely eight the first time they met and from there on out they were closer than ever. The three got somewhat close throughout the years, but Hannah never really considered Tony a close friend. They hung out every now and then or worked on projects together, but that was about it.

The day Hannah died, she left a package containing 7 tapes on Tony's doorstep. No note, no explanation, nothing. Karina remembered the day vividly, because she sat beside her best friend while they listened to the tapes, skipping over parts to see where they fit in.

But they didn't. Not until now.

"Kit, you look like you saw a ghost," Tony called from under the hood of his Mustang. "What's wrong?"  
"Did you know Hannah left this?" She asked. Karina hated her name, so nearly everyone, including teachers, called her Kit.  
"That's not one of the…no, I didn't," he said, eyes widening when he realized that this tape wasn't numbered. This tape had Kit's name written on it with purple nail polish instead of the blue the others had.  
"It came in the mail today," she muttered, sitting down on the curb. Tony nodded and went back to tuning up his car, giving Kit a chance to listen to the tape some more.

 _Do you remember the last time you saw me? The last time you talked to me? Do you?_

Of course she did, they were sitting in her room when Tony called her, telling her she needed to get over to his house fast. Tony's older brother, Jose, had gotten himself into some kind of trouble and Tony needed her help coming up with a way to keep him out of jail. Kit was always good at smooth talking the cops, mostly because they felt bad for her. They all knew what her old man did to her, but he was a lawyer, he was able to pull strings and keep any charges from coming up against him. Besides, Kit didn't have any other family, so until she turned 18, she was stuck.

 _I looked at you and begged you not to go. I said I needed your help. But you said Tony needed you too. That you would come back as soon as you could. That you owed Tony. You always owed Tony, isn't that how it worked, Karina? Tony gave you somewhere to lay low and you came whenever he called? Shitty friendship, huh?_

It wasn't like that. That night…that night Tony really _did_ need her help. Jose was running out of chances before he did hard time. Kit owed the Padilla family more than Hannah would ever understand.

 _I gave you the chance Karina. You knew everything, you knew more than anyone else, but you left anyway. You left and well, the rest is history. You left me. Just like everyone else._

The other tapes hadn't been so…so painful. They weren't pointing fingers like this one was. Kit felt her insides tighten, suddenly grateful she had skipped lunch that day. She hit pause, tears threatening to fall from her eyes.

She must have looked as awful as she felt, because when Tony turned around, his eyes catching her face, he swiftly threw the wrench aside, his arms pulling her into a tight hug.

"We need to drive, somewhere, anywhere," she managed to choke out. Tony nodded and closed the hood of his car, motioning for her to get in. She did, but she wasn't truly aware of doing so. Her heart was racing in her chest, her mind being pulled in a million different directions.

"Tony, it's all my fault," she whispered.  
"It's not," Tony tried to reason, searching her eyes. He hadn't heard that tape. He didn't know what it contained. He wasn't sure he wanted to.

Kit needed him to hear it though. He had heard the others, she needed him to know why it hurt so much. She rewound the tape before popping it out of the cassette player she didn't even remember owning until a couple hours before. She tossed it in the back seat, before pushing the tape into the tape player of Tony's car.

 _If you're listening to this, then you have already heard the rumors. Maybe you've already heard the other 13 tapes. You probably have, Karina, god knows he couldn't keep a secret like that from you. But that's okay, I wanted you to hear them, even though you weren't on them. You were the exception. You deserved to know the truth too._

"What the hell?" Tony muttered. They pulled away from the curb as the tape kept playing. Kit ignored what she had already heard, she couldn't bring herself to listen to Hannah blame her all over again.

 _So, Karina, what do you have to say for yourself?_

Tony hit pause, his eyes tearing over. Kit stole a glance at him, long enough to see him swerve ever so slightly. She placed a hand on his arm before nodding towards the hill they often climbed when they needed to blow off steam. He nodded and turned, getting them there in record time. They normally parked at the bottom of the cliff, but that day, Tony drove right up the path in the back, parking the mustang as soon as they reached the top.

Kit hit play, letting Hannah's voice fill the car again.

 _I honestly hope you keep this tape to yourself, Karina. God knows Tony doesn't need to hear it. He probably blames himself enough as it is. Then again, you both suck at keeping secrets from one another._

 _But you kept mine. Maybe if you didn't, maybe if you broke your promise to me and told him, well maybe you wouldn't be listening to me on this stupid tape, huh? Maybe, just maybe you two could have stopped me._

Kit suddenly felt sick. She pushed the car door open with so much force, she was almost certain it would snap off. She reeled away just in time for what little was in her stomach to empty itself on the dirt. She heaved again and again until there was nothing left to expel from her body. Shaking, she wiped her mouth, pushing a stray strand of hair out of her face.

"Breathe, Tony's shaky voice came from behind her. She felt his hand on her shoulder as her own fell to her knees in a weak attempt to steady herself. "We don't have to listen to it, you know."  
"I owe it to her, Tony," she whispered, her voice breaking. It hurt Tony to see her like that. Kit was one of the strongest people he knew. She put up with everything life threw at her and never seemed to lose that spark. But in that moment, standing there, her entire body trembling, he knew Hannah had finally hit her where it hurt.

Keeping the door open just in case, Kit sat back down, her knees to her chest as she hit play.

 _I'm not the first of your friends to kill theirself, am I, Karina? You told me the story, not long after we first became friends. Maybe you just had a bad taste in friends, or maybe you're just a shitty friend after all._

"That's not fair," she moaned. Hannah was referring to Jayson, a friend she had lost a long time ago. He was a friend from her childhood, who killed himself when she was 12. That was why she always protected Tony so much. She couldn't lose another person that way. Yet here she was.

Tony tensed. He knew that Hannah was hitting low blow after low blow. It wasn't fair. She hadn't done that to the others, she hadn't blamed them straight out like this. He couldn't understand why she had to do this to Kit. Kit of all people. He wanted to take the tape and destroy it, but he also knew Kit would hate him if he did. Kit was stubborn, but she always sought out the truth. She didn't believe rumors or lies. Lying to Kit was the worst crime you could commit.

 _That wasn't fair, I'm sorry. I really am. I'm just so…so hurt right now. I knew everyone on my list would let me down, but you? Do you know I didn't even want to come to you? Because I knew you could talk me down? I knew you could force me to get help and find a reason to live? Did you know that?_

 _No. You didn't or you wouldn't have left._

 _Your loyalty is amazing, Karina, it really is. It's something to be reckoned with. Tony's lucky to have someone like you in his life. Especially now. I just wish you would have been that person for me. If you had been…well you know._

 _Karina, I didn't want to make this tape. I didn't want to make you feel any worse than I'm sure you already do. But you needed to know. Just like the others, you needed to know how you fit into this sad, twisted tale._

 _You were my one reason to live, but you blew your chance to save me. That's why your tape isn't with the others. Because if anyone knew…if anyone knew you left me that day, they would hate you. They would ruin you. And that's not what I intend to do. No, I just need you to know. I need you to know the truth._

 _This is the last tape. Cherish it – you have my voice, you can listen to it any time. Weren't you the one who said you would have done anything to hear Jayson's voice one last time? Well, unlike him, I'm giving you that. I'm giving you my voice._

 _This is Hannah Baker, signing out. For good this time._

Kit couldn't breathe. The car suddenly felt too small. She stepped out, letting the cool air wrap around her in a feeble attempt to ease the ache that burned in her chest. She caught sight of Tony, who looked both broken and sick. She thought he was going to puke, his hands gripping the steering wheel so hard that his knuckles were white.

She took a deep breath then did what she always did. She went to the drivers side of the car, opened the door and forced Tony's hands from the wheel, pulling him out, her arms wrapped protectively around him. He collapsed into her embrace, tears falling silently from his eyes. Together they sank to the ground, tears falling freely now, both lost in their own thoughts.

"She…I didn't know, you…you could have…" Tony stammered. Kit had only ever seen Tony that broken up one other time in their entire friendship, and it was for an entirely different reason. "If you told me you were with her…"  
"I didn't think she was going to kill herself," Kit croaked. "I should have seen the signs…I was right there…I…"

Suddenly the world began to slip in and out of view. Kit felt her heart racing all too fast, her body going numb. Even after losing Jayson, she hadn't lost her grip that badly. She tried to breathe, tried to bring herself back to reality, but she couldn't. Tony sensed that and tried to coax her back, like they had done with Clay only days before.

"Hey, hey, c'mon, come back to me," Tony whispered, his face almost touching hers. "Karina, come on."

Kit blinked, unable to shake the sinking feeling from her mind. She tensed, suddenly overly aware of everything. Then nothing. Everything went black.


	2. Chapter 2

Kit woke what seemed like only minutes later to the steady sound of beeping. She glanced around, taking in the hospital room, the white washed walls and tangle of wires that surrounded her. Once the initial shock wore off, she became aware to the commotion in the hallway.

"I can't believe I have to come down here to sign her sorry ass out. She'll be 18 in a month, can't she do this herself?" her father's bitter voice echoed. Kit couldn't make out what the nurse said, only that her tone was as calm as possible. "Fine, there, I signed. When she wakes up, release her to whoever the hell bothers to answer her damn call."  
"Sir, she's a minor, we cannot release her to just anyone," the nurse tried to reason. Kit took that as an opportunity to hit the call button that laid within arm's reach of the bed. She could hear a set of footsteps move away from the door before a troubled looking nurse came in.

"Welcome back," she said pleasantly, though her eyes were full of concern. "How are you feeling, Karina?"  
"Kit," she corrected instantly. "And fine, why am I here?"  
"Your friend brought you in after you collapsed. He's still in the waiting room, if you'd like me to get him, but first, I need you to answer a couple questions, alright?" she said gently, pulling a chair up next to me.  
"Did my father leave?" she asked quickly, glancing towards the door.  
"I believe so," she said hesitantly. "That's what I wanted to talk to you about."  
"If you've read my file, you know this isn't my first time here," Kit sighed. "And there's no point calling the cops, I'll deny everything. I turn 18 in under a month. I can handle it."  
"You have a concussion, Kari- Kit," she said with a stern tone. "Mind telling me how that happened?"  
"I skipped lunch today," she shrugged. "I must have gotten dizzy and passed out. Probably hit my head on the way down."  
"Karina, you don't need to lie to me," the nurse said softly.  
"I'm not," she said, keeping a straight face. "But my father obviously doesn't want to waste his time picking me up, so if I'm free to leave, I believe my ride is still in the waiting area?"  
"You're stubborn. Seeing how you're almost 18 and your father did come down to sign the form, I suppose I can release you, just this once. However, you need to take it easy for a couple days. The doctor believes your concussion isn't from last night, so if you experience any…" Kit tuned her out. This wasn't her first concussion, nor was it her first time being read all of the things to be aware of. Kit knew the signs of a brain bleed. She knew what to look out for. She was used to tending her own wounds when her father got too drunk or too mad. She didn't need a nurse to tell her.

Kit found herself glaring at the wall, angry at Hannah for leaving that damn tape. Angry at Tony for bringing her to the emergency room instead of letting her sleep it off. Angry at her father for throwing her against the wall two nights prior. She was angry. She was tired, angry and just plain numb all at the same time.

"Karina?" the nurse waved her hand in front of her face.  
"Yeah, sorry?" she muttered, her attention now on the form the nurse was holding.  
"Sign here and you're free to go," she said as she started pulling the wires away from Kit's body. Kit signed it hastily, eager to be free. As soon as the nurse finished, she gave Karina a troubled frown.

"Please, please, be careful, okay?" she said gently as she left the room. Kit quickly gathered her bag and made for the waiting area, knowing the hospital like the back of her hand. She'd spent many nights locked in one of those ugly, way too clean rooms during her childhood. Ever since her mom passed away when she was 5, she'd been a regular in that emergency room. As far as the nurses knew, she was just a very accident prone person.

"Kit!" Tony called, waving her over as soon as she cleared the doors that separated the waiting area from the triage unit. Kit frowned when she saw Clay Jensen sitting beside him.  
"Hey Tony. Clay," she nodded. Clay wore a troubled expression.  
"You had us worried," Clay said. Kit noticed that he looked like he hadn't slept in days.  
"Honestly, it was nothing," Kit said with a shrug. Then something the nurse said made her stop dead in her tracks. _Last night._ "How long was I out?"  
"Well it's almost 10…pm…" Clay said, glancing at his phone. "You passed out early yesterday afternoon. Tony called me as soon as he got you here."  
She threw a troubled look at Tony. Now she understood why he looked so worried. Kit had had concussions before, many of which she slept off on Tony's floor. She was never out for more than a couple hours. Kit pondered this as Tony draped his jacket around her shoulders before leading them to the parking lot.

"I promise, I'm fine," she reassured Tony as soon as Clay was out of earshot. "I haven't slept much in the last week, it was probably just exhaustion on top of everything else." Kit knew she was lying. She knew why she was out for so long, but was grateful that the nurse must have left that bit out of her workup. Otherwise she would have been released to CPS or the cops or something.  
"Be straight with me, Karina, are you…" Tony sighed. He knew how Kit used to cope. How she used to deal with her father's attitude and everything else. He had helped her get off _that_ habit what seemed liked ages ago.

Kit hesitated. She knew what Tony was asking her. She also knew the strain it had had on their friendship in the past. Despite his reputation, despite the fact that Tony was currently on parole for assault charges, Tony was a good kid. A great kid, really. Tony rarely, if ever drank and he never touched drugs. Kit admired him for that, because Tony's life was far from easy. Sure, his parents were great people, but their neighborhood wasn't one to play around in. Tony had overcome so much and Kit admired his strength and resilience. She, on the other hand, wasn't nearly as strong as he gave her credit for.

"No, of course not," she lied smoothly. She hated herself for lying to him. She was such a believer in the truth and lying made her feel like a traitor.  
"Karina Maria Torres…." Tony's tone grew harsher. Kit could see the anger swelling in his eyes. Tony knew her too well. He knew her better than she knew herself.

Thankfully, Clay broke up their exchange.

"Guys, it's getting late, can we not hangout in the parking lot all night? I'm tired of this place," he called from the passenger seat of Tony's car. Kit threw a hopeless smile at Tony, who looked ready to explode before getting in the car.

The entire ride to Clay's house was silent. Tony didn't take his eyes off the road once and a very tired Clay fell asleep as soon as the car started moving. When they reached his house, Kit patted his leg, startling him away.

"Rise and shine, buttercup, you're home," she said as gently as she could muster. Clay wiped the sleep from his eyes and threw her a look before nodding at Tony.  
"Are you still my ride tomorrow?" he asked, stifling a yawn.  
"Mhm," Tony grunted. Kit knew the ride back to his house would prove to be a long one. "G'night Clay," he added, his tone forced.  
"Uh, right," Clay exited the car, throwing a look at Kit who shrugged.  
"Hey Clay?" she called after him as he made towards his front door. "Get some sleep kid."

Tony pulled away from the curb, his hands tightly gripping the steering wheel, his eyes ablaze again. Kit knew she had to be honest with him.

"Tony," she said softly, catching him off guard. He blinked, his grip loosening just slightly. "Monet's? Coffee on me?"

Tony said nothing, just turned when they reached the inner section that led to the small café. A few minutes later, they were pulling into the almost empty parking lot. Monet's was always opened late, someone was almost always there. That was something Kit loved about the café. It was open when nothing else was.

Tony said nothing for a long time after he turned the car off. He just stared ahead, not willing himself to look at his best friend. He'd seen her like this before. He'd been there when he almost lost her before. He couldn't go through it again. Not after Hannah…not after everything that had happened.

"Tony," Kit finally broke the silence. She placed a hand on Tony's arm, feeling every muscle tense under her touch. "I'm sorry."  
"What is it this time, Karina? What drug of choice are you using to cope this time?" His voice echoed loudly in the small car. "Damn it, you promised me." His voice broke, causing tears to well in Kit's eyes.

She took a deep breath before looking at her free hand, which was trembling in her lap.  
"Tony, please look at me," she begged. Tony finally looked at her, the anger leaving his face as soon as he realized how broken she was. He reached for her hand, squeezing it tightly in his own. He hated her for lying to him, for not coming to him in the first place, but his loyalty and love for her was unconditional. He just wished she'd realize that sometimes.

"My dad's only gotten worse," Kit said, breaking their gaze. She looked ahead, trying to find the words. "Then Hannah…then Hannah killed herself. Then the school kept trying to reach out to my father and that only made him angrier and angrier. Tony, I've stayed strong for so damn long…losing Hannah…losing Hannah and knowing that I could have stopped her, even before the tape…even before she said it herself…" tears streamed down her face now. She took a shaking breath, suddenly overly aware of how small the car was. "Tony, I went a solid week without sleeping. I needed to come down, I needed something to silence everything for a while I thought I had it under control, you know? It wasn't my first time using downers, I thought…" she trailed off. Tony squeezed her hand again. He remembered what happened last time all too well. "I guess I was wrong."

Tony stayed silent. He didn't know what to say to ease her pain in that moment. He watched helplessly as she sobbed beside him.

"It's gonna be okay, Kit, I promise," he said, giving her a half hug. She returned it, sobbing bitterly into his shoulder. He held her tight, trying to come up with the right words to say. "Next time, you call me, you hear? You call me and we'll drive until you're good or you can crash at my place or whatever you need. Karina, I can't lose you too. You're more than just my best friend, you're family, you hear me?"  
"Tony, it's to the point I just want it all to end."

Her words shattered his façade. Tony wasn't one to publicly cry. He wasn't one to let anyone truly see him hurting. But her words cut him like a knife. Without a second thought, he was out of the car, yanking the passenger door open and pulling Kit to her feet. Then he hugged her tighter than he had ever hugged someone before.

"You don't get to give up," he growled in her ear as she sobbed. "You are stronger than that. And I love you. You do not get to give up."  
"But what happens now?" she asked him, her voice so broken.  
"You're coming home with me and we're going to talk until your stubborn ass falls asleep and then we're going to talk some more. Because I cannot….I will not lose you too."

 _So, Karina, what do you have to say for yourself?_


	3. Chapter 3

They talked for hours. Kit kept trying to keep the conversation light, not wanting to drag Tony into anymore of her problems when he had enough of his own to worry about, but Tony wasn't having any of that. He wanted to know what was going on with her and wanted to know how he could help. Tony couldn't get her words out of his head. It broke his heart to hear her talk like that, but he understood the pain she was going through. He knew she was tired, tired of fighting for her life, tired of being strong for those around her, tired of having to carry around the guilt of Hannah's death.

"I just want everything to go back to normal," she said suddenly. Tony stole a glance at the clock on his nightstand. It was nearly five in the morning. Both of them had exams first period, but Tony had a feeling they'd be missing that class. "I just want…I just want my dad to be who he was before my mom died, or who I thought he was. I want my mom back. I want to feel safe walking into my house, instead of wondering if I was going to spend the night locked in the bathroom nursing a new bruise or running here just for somewhere to lay low."  
"I get it, I do," Tony said softly. He didn't remember the last time he was that exhausted, but every time he blinked his eyes felt heavier and heavier. "You're not going to sleep, are you?" he finally asked after another long stretch of silence.  
"No," she sighed. "But you sleep. I'll drive Clay to school today."  
"Not in my car you aren't," Tony muttered, leaning back, sleep starting to take hold.  
"Shh, I've never hurt Baby before," she chuckled. She'd nicknamed the car Baby the first time she saw Tony tuning her up. "I'll swing by after 3rd and get you," she added. She grabbed his keys off the dresser and started towards the door.  
"If you crash my car…" Tony was too tired to continue the statement.  
"Don't worry, I'll be careful," she promised.

Tony was about to say something else, but as soon as his eyes closed he was soundly asleep. Kit smiled down at him, hesitating before pulling the thin blanket over him. When Tony slept he looked so innocent, so soft. Kit smoothed his hair back, letting her hand linger on the almost invisible scar on his forehead. She remembered all too well how he got it. She'd never forget the fear that coursed through her veins the night he called her from the holding center.

"Sleep," she said gently. She noticed his phone light up. She reached over and saw it was Brad. She knew the two of them were on rocky terms, but was surprised to see him calling at such an odd hour. She answered, keeping her voice soft.

"Hey Brad," she answered.  
"Karina?" Brad sounded confused. "Is Tony there?"  
"He just fell asleep. Everything okay?"  
"You tell me. Tony said you had him scared these last couple days, I was just calling to check in," Brad said, sounding genuinely concerned.  
"Everything's fine, Brad, just let Tony get a couple hours of sleep, I'll tell him to call you back when he gets up."

Brad muttered something but hung up anyway. Kit couldn't help but smile to herself. Even though Tony didn't play for her team, every single one of his boyfriends always got jealous of her anyway. She was a constant in Tony's life and they had a rule from day one. No boys got between their friendship. It worked both ways. Kit lost count of the amount of boyfriends she had to cut loose because they didn't understand that Tony was family.

Tony wasn't the rainbows and peppy type, so most times, her boyfriends didn't believe her when she would explain it wasn't like that. Tony never hid his sexuality and it amused both of them how insecure some boys could be. Especially given that they'd been friends for almost a decade.

Kit set his phone back where she found it and quietly left the room, barely avoiding Lexi, Tony's younger sister, in the process.  
"I didn't know you were here," she said, rubbing sleep from her eyes. "When did they release you?"  
"Last night," she replied softly. "I'm dropping Clay off at school then swinging back," she went on. "You need a ride?"  
"Naw, dad's driving me today," she shrugged. She didn't go to their school. "Besides, I'm still on a tight leash after last time…"

Kit nodded. Lexi wasn't the good girl everyone tried to make her out to be. She'd had her run in with trouble, despite being only fifteen. It worried all of them, because they'd seen how that played out before.

"Isn't it a little early to pick up Clay?" Lexi broke Kit from her thoughts.  
"I have to make a stop first," Kit admitted. "Something I need to take care of."  
"You aren't…you know, right?" she asked, giving her a suspicious look.  
Kit sighed. "I'm going to visit my mom," she said honestly.  
"Oh," Lexi moved out of her way, a sad look on her face.

Kit was quiet as she left through the front door. The Padilla's had given Kit a key when she and Tony started high school together. They considered her family and expected her to abide by their rules when she was with them. She actually liked that. It made her feel like she had a family.

She drove to the cemetery in silence. While her mother had been cremated, her grandmother still had a plot made, somewhere for what was left of the family to come visit. When her grandmother passed a year later, she was buried next to her daughter's plot.

"Hey mom," Kit said as she approached the marker. She pulled the thin flannel she had borrowed from Tony's closet tight around her thin frame. "It's been a while, huh?" She sat down in the moist dirt, not caring that she'd be walking around with dirt staining her jeans the rest of the day. She had no intentions of staying in school that day anyway. "Life sucks without you," she whispered. She places a single carnation on the headstone. It was her mom's favorite flower. She'd stolen it from a neighbors garden on her way over. "I wish it was dad who died that night…it isn't fair."

She looked up at the sky, her heart aching. She missed her mother more than she could ever express. Her mother was so good at making her feel better about things. She couldn't even remember what her voice sounded like anymore.

She told her mom about everything that had gone on in the last few years. She told her about Tony and how he kept saving her. She told her about Hannah and how much she missed her. She told her about everything her father was doing and how she wanted everything to be over. Before she knew it, Clay was calling her. She looked down at her phone, surprised to see she had six missed calls from him and a dozen from Tony. She blinked when she saw what time it was.

"Shit," she muttered, getting up quickly, running towards the mustang. She knew Tony was going to chew her out.

"Where the fuck are you with my car, Karina?!" Tony's angry voice barked over the phone. Kit winced and kept driving. She put the phone on speaker, her eyes locked on the road.  
"I went to see my mom," she explained, turning down the side street that led to Clay's. "I'm five minutes from Clay's," she added.  
"Clay's over here," he grumbled. Kit swore under her breath and hit the brakes. Tony heard the squeal of the tires over the phone. "I swear to god, if you crash my car…"  
"I'll be there in ten minutes," Kit quickly hung up the phone and hit the gas. It was already ten.

Before she could even pull up to the curb in front of Tony's house, a very angry Tony was rushing towards her, his eyes a mix of concern and anger.

"Keys," he snapped, holding his hand out. She turned off the car and slammed the keys into his hand before sliding out of the car, a look of remorse painted across her face.  
"I lost track of time," she muttered. Her hands were still covered in dirt from when she pushed herself up from the ground. Tony studied her for a moment before nodding, seemingly surprised that she had told him the truth.  
"Now that we all missed the first two periods, can we please go to school?" Clay huffed. Kit threw an apologetic glance at him before looking at Tony.  
"I'm going to see if the diner will let me pick up a shift this morning, I'll see you after school," she said.  
"If you fail the history midterm you don't get to graduate," Tony reminded her. He looked concerned.  
"Not like I'm going to college or anything anyway," she shrugged. "Besides, I have rent due…today," she muttered, looking at her phone. "If I don't pay up, he's going to kill me. Literally."  
"Shit," Tony muttered. He reached into the backseat of the car, moved some stuff around, then tossed a hundred dollar bill at Kit. "Now c'mon," he added, giving her a knowing look. Kit wanted to refuse, she hated that Tony was so willing to help her. But she also knew that consequences of her actions if she came home without rent money. And she needed to go home – she needed to get her bag if she planned to steer clear of her house for a few weeks.

"Hey, what's this?" Clay asked from the passenger seat. There, in his hand, was Hannah's tape to Kit. Kit drew a shaking breath as Clay pushed it into the cassette player, Hannah's voice coming loud and clear over the speakers.

 _If you're listening to this, then you have already heard the rumors. Maybe you've already heard the other 13 tapes. You probably have, Karina, god knows he couldn't keep a secret like that from you. But that's okay, I wanted you to hear them, even though you weren't on them. You were the exception. You deserved to know the truth too._

 _But you also deserved to be excused. You were never supposed to have a tape – you were the only person who actually tried. But my last day…the last time you saw me, you gave up on me too. That's why you're getting this tape. I didn't make a copy of it, I didn't send it with the others. No, your tape was for your ears only._

 _So, Karina, what do you have to say for yourself?_


	4. Chapter 4

The tape was only about three minutes long, if that. Neither Tony nor Kit made a move to stop Clay from playing it. It wouldn't have mattered if they had – Clay already had a hand protectively over the controls, meaning they'd have to try and pry him away. Kit tensed, her heart racing in her chest.

 _Do you remember the last time you saw me? The last time you talked to me? Do you?_

 _I looked at you and begged you not to go. I said I needed your help. But you said Tony needed you too. That you would come back as soon as you could. That you owed Tony. You always owed Tony, isn't that how it worked, Karina? Tony gave you somewhere to lay low and you came whenever he called? Shitty friendship, huh?_

 _I gave you the chance Karina. You knew everything, you knew more than anyone else, but you left anyway. You left and well, the rest is history. You left me. Just like everyone else._

Clay's face changed from one of sadness and confusion, to one of anger. His hands trembled as Hannah's voice continued over the speakers.

 _I honestly hope you keep this tape to yourself, Karina. God knows Tony doesn't need to hear it. He probably blames himself enough as it is. Then again, you both suck at keeping secrets from one another._

 _But you kept mine. Maybe if you didn't, maybe if you broke your promise to me and told him, well maybe you wouldn't be listening to me on this stupid tape, huh? Maybe, just maybe you two could have stopped me._

"What the hell, Karina?" Clay's voice hitched.

 _I'm not the first of your friends to kill theirself, am I, Karina? You told me the story, not long after we first became friends. Maybe you just had a bad taste in friends, or maybe you're just a shitty friend after all._

Clay tensed. He didn't know about Jayson.

 _That wasn't fair, I'm sorry. I really am. I'm just so…so hurt right now. I knew everyone on my list would let me down, but you? Do you know I didn't even want to come to you? Because I knew you could talk me down? I knew you could force me to get help and find a reason to live? Did you know that?_

 _No. You didn't or you wouldn't have left._

 _Your loyalty is amazing, Karina, it really is. It's something to be reckoned with. Tony's lucky to have someone like you in his life. Especially now. I just wish you would have been that person for me. If you had been…well you know._

 _Karina, I didn't want to make this tape. I didn't want to make you feel any worse than I'm sure you already do. But you needed to know. Just like the others, you needed to know how you fit into this sad, twisted tale._

 _You were my one reason to live, but you blew your chance to save me. That's why your tape isn't with the others. Because if anyone knew…if anyone knew you left me that day, they would hate you. They would ruin you. And that's not what I intend to do. No, I just need you to know. I need you to know the truth._

 _This is the last tape. Cherish it – you have my voice, you can listen to it any time. Weren't you the one who said you would have done anything to hear Jayson's voice one last time? Well, unlike him, I'm giving you that. I'm giving you my voice._

 _This is Hannah Baker, signing out. For good this time._

"Clay, it's not what you think," Kit started, her eyes widening as Clay moved out of the car with more speed than she thought the awkward, not very coordinated teen was capable of. "I didn't know okay? I didn't know she was going to kill herself."  
"You left her," his tone was emotionless. "You could have saved her but you didn't."  
"Clay, man, calm down," Tony tried. His eyes were watching every muscle in Clay's body tense. Tony really didn't want his third strike to be him beating the hell out of Clay Jensen.  
"You could have stopped her," Clay accused, his eyes locked on Kit. Kit took a step back. Unlike Tony, Clay had several inches on her. She knew she could take him – she'd taken far worse, but she didn't really want to fight one of her friends that day. Not after everything.

Then it happened. Clay charged her, throwing her down onto the pavement with so much force it knocked the wind right out of her lungs. Gasping, she racked her nails across his face purely out of instincts. Clay threw one punch, square into her jaw, causing her to see stars.

"Clay, c'mon man, stop," Tony pleaded, trying to pull him off Kit. Kit growled, throwing a punch of her own, connecting with Clay's cheek before kneeing him in the stomach, freeing herself. She rolled away, gracefully wedging herself against the Mustang. Clay tried to throw another punch, but Tony caught his arm and twisted, bringing Clay to his knees.

"I'm not letting go till you swear you're not going to hit her again," Tony hissed in his ear. It was taking all of his self-control not to knock Clay out. He glanced at Kit, who was nursing a busted lip, a deep bruise already forming across her face.  
"She killed her," Clay yelped. As he said the words, the tension left his body, sadness replacing the anger that was there only moments before. "It's all your fault, Karina. It's all your fault."  
"I didn't know…" Kit muttered. She blinked back tears before standing. "I would have…if I could go back, I would have told her to come with me. That we'd talk while we came up with a plan for Jose. I didn't know, okay?"

Tony released Clay, but stayed close, just in case. Clay shook his head, not sure what to say.

"I have to go," he muttered. He walked around to the porch and retrieved his bike. Tony said nothing as he watched his friend ride off. He wanted to follow after him, but he knew Kit needed him more.

"How bad?" he asked, motioning to Kit's lip.  
"Nothing a little cover-up can't fix," she said, checking her teeth. All were still there. Clay could throw a punch when he wanted to, that was for sure.  
"Are you sure?" Tony's tone was gentle. He was genuinely concerned, the events of that morning long since forgotten. "You hit your head pretty hard when he charged you."  
"I'll be fine, Tony, I swear," she said with a forced smile. "Shit, Tony, the tape!" She suddenly realized that she had no idea if it was still in the dash. 

Tony stood quickly and checked the car. The tape was gone.

"Fuck," he muttered.  
"We need to find him, stop him before he does something stupid!" Kit cried. Tears welled in her eyes. If that tape got out…it would change everything.

 _Hannah –_

 _That tape did change everything. That tape ruined my life. That tape ruined everything._

 **2 weeks later**

"I can't believe he's making you move," Tony sighed, looking off into the distance. They were at the top of the hill, staring out into the endless scenery below. "We've been friends for the better part of 10 years…I don't know what I'm going to do without you."  
"You'll be okay," she said, tears in her eyes. She knew she wouldn't be. Tony was her rock, her savior, the big brother she always needed growing up. He was always saving her. Clay went and fucked all that up.

Clay turned the tape into the school that very day. By the time they found him, it was too late. The school turned it over to the police with the remaining tapes, which all went into evidence, which was going to be used in the Baker's trial against the school in the coming months. When Kit's father caught wind of the lawsuit, he demanded that Kit was pulled from school and that they moved to another city until it was over. He was afraid Kit would oust him and all the abuse she had gone through over the years. Since she still had about three weeks before she turned 18, she either complied, or got listed as a runaway, which would mean time in juvie for her. Her dad being a lawyer worked in his favor.

"You could just lay low for three weeks," Tony suggested for the millionth time. "Jose has someone who can hide you until you're legal, he owes you."  
"My dad would leave no stone unturned," she muttered. "I'm worth more to him dead than alive."  
"What're you going to do?" Tony asked. He looked at her, saddened by how much it was killing her to have to leave with the man who hurt her more than anyone else in the world.  
"Work my ass off for three weeks then come back," she shrugged. "Then maybe I can find an apartment and lay low until it's my turn to testify," she added. Mrs. Baker had already asked her if she'd be willing to testify, should it come to that. She agreed instantly, owing Hannah that much.  
"What about graduating?" Tony asked. He knew, even if she never admitted it, that graduating was an important goal for her.  
"Mr. Porter said I'm too far behind this year," she sighed. "He said I can graduate next spring if I work hard when I come back."  
"Funny," Tony said with a sly smile. "He told me the same damn thing."  
"Well what do you know," she laughed.

They shared a brief lull of silence before Kit pulled him in for a hug.

"Don't go getting into any trouble while I'm gone, you hear?" she said softly. She planted a kiss on his cheek before climbing into the car, tears falling down her cheeks. The ride back to her house was silent. They sat in the car for a long time before Kit saw her father wave her over.

"Get moving!" he called, motioning to the moving truck. "You're already putting us behind."  
"That's my cue," she sighed. She got out of the car and waited, giving Tony a chance to make it to her side. "Be safe, Tony, stay strong."  
"You do the same, Kit," he said with a sad smile. They hugged one more time before Kit turned to walk away. She spared one last glance over her shoulder before making a hasty, rash decision. She knew if she didn't act right there and then, she'd never make it back to testify for Hannah or see Tony again or graduate or any of the important stuff. She knew if she didn't act, she'd never come back.

"Fuck you!" She screamed at the top of her lungs. Tony was already in the driver's seat, about to back up when he caught her glance. He saw the pure panic in her eyes. He hesitated long enough to see something he wished he'd never had to see.  
"What did you say?" her father growled.  
"I said, fuck you!" She screamed again. Her father took a step towards her, his hands balled into fists.  
"Get. In. The. Truck!" He growled. He took another step. Kit could smell the liquor on his breath. She knew she had him right where she needed him. This time…this time she wouldn't run away like a kicked puppy.  
"Make me," she taunted. She took a step forward.

Then it happened. Her father grabbed her by her wrist, her arm to go completely numb. He threw her to the ground, his fist connecting with her abdomen with enough force that she heard her ribs crack. He threw another punch before getting up, leaving her breathless and shaking on the ground.

"Go to hell," she spat as she stood up, her right arm limp at her side.  
"If I have to tell you one more time…" Her father's tone was dripping with anger.  
"Fuck. You!" She screamed. She turned in time for her father to crack her upside her head. She saw stars, but she was ready. She flew forward, barely avoiding Tony's mirror before ripping the door open. Before she was even inside, she told Tony to hit the gas. He did.

"Cops, then hospital," she said breathlessly. She saw stars, the world slipping in and out.  
"What did you do?!" Tony demanded.  
"Nanny cam, front porch. I won, Tony, I won," she breathed.

Tony couldn't help but smile. Leave it to Kit to have a plan. She always had a plan.


	5. Chapter 5

"Alex is blowing up my phone," Kit laughed as the nurse tried to find a vein to insert the catheter into. They'd been in the triage unit for over an hour, having been escorted there by the cops as soon as Kit gave her statement against her father and turned over the nanny cam footage.  
"Did they catch him?" Tony asked. His tone was even. He was still trying to contain the anger that flowed through his veins. He couldn't believe how violent her father was. He couldn't believe that that man had no remorse for what he did to her. He knew she was being beaten by her father for years now, but he had never expected it to be so…so blunt and so violent.  
"They caught him off the highway," Kit nodded. "Ow, missed again," she said to the nurse. The nurse looked frazzled.  
"I just can't find a vein. Hold on, I'm going to get the doctor and let him try," she sighed.  
"They never find a vein," Kit sighed. She looked down at her arms. The bruises were already forming, leaving deep purple fingerprints across her wrist.  
"He's finally going to get what he deserves," Tony muttered.  
"I had to do something," Kit nodded. "He took a life insurance policy out on me."  
"What?" Tony looked up. Kit could see the anger bubbling up.  
"I think that's why he wanted me to move, so I was away from my support system…so no one would notice if I just disappeared," Kit felt tears well in her eyes. "So last night, I thought about what I could do. I called Tyler and he gave me the old nanny cam his folks had lying around. That was where I got the idea to put it up in the corner. So I could get it on tape. I knew you'd be the last person I saw before we left and I knew if I could time it just right, I could get away."  
"If I had pulled away…" Tony couldn't shake the feeling that if he had left just seconds before, Kit could be a lot worse off.  
"I've known you for ten years Tony, I knew you weren't going to drive off," she said quickly. "But if you had, I would have figured something else out. I would have ran."  
"You couldn't even get out of the car by yourself," Tony countered. "He could have killed you Karina."

Kit stared at the ceiling. Tony was right. If one little thing had been different, the outcome could have been a lot worse.

"Karina?" A new voice chimed. Kit looked up to see a young doctor walking into the room. "Rose tells me you have stubborn veins. Mind if I give it a go before we take you up for some scans?"  
"You're better off using the vein in my hand," Kit nodded. "No one has ever been able to stick me in my arm."  
"You've been through this before, huh?" he said, taking her hand in his, examining the vein the nurse was trying to use. "You're dehydrated."  
"I always am," Kit shrugged. "And yes, I've been through this more times than I care to count."

The doctor said nothing. Instead, he listened to her suggestion and inserted the needle into her hand. As soon as he set up the saline drip, a chill went down her spine.

"A nurse will grab you in a few minutes for the scans," he said after he was satisfied with his work. "We want to make sure your arm isn't fractures and see just how bad your ribs are. And I'm concerned about your head, your friend here said you hit it pretty hard when you fell."  
"I didn't fall," Kit muttered. "But I know the drill. Like I said, not the first time."

The doctor left the room after that. Kit became overly aware of how tired she was. She was never tired after her father beat the crap out of her. That was the whole reason she started using downers. She would be anxious and wired for days. This time was different. This time, she was cold and tired and just wanted to sleep.

"Tony, talk about something, anything," Kit managed to mutter. Breathing hurt. Every breath felt like fire coursing through her chest.  
"You good?" Tony looked up from his phone, a look of concern washing over him when he saw how pale she looked. Tony had seen her hundreds of times after her father threw her around and she never looked so pale, so sickly.  
"I'm so cold," she muttered, shivers running down her spine. Tony slipped off his leather jacket and draped it over her, his hand gently pushing the hair out of her face.  
"Kit, you've got to be straight with me, are you okay?" Tony pressed. He was a second away from calling for a nurse.

Kit said nothing. She felt her eyes start to close and realized that she must have hit her head a lot harder than she thought.

"Tony," her words were barely audible. "Get a nurse."

Twenty minutes later, Tony was ushered into a waiting room while Kit was wheeled off for scans. The nurse told him that she suspected that Kit suffered from either a serious concussion or a possibly a brain bleed. Tony couldn't sit still. He felt angry and helpless and just wanted to know if she would be okay.

After an hour of waiting, he called Clay. Clay made it to the hospital in record time. Without saying a word, he pulled Tony in for a hug.

"She's going to be okay, you know that, right?" Clay said. It made Tony uneasy. Normally the tables were turned. Tony wasn't used to anyone but Kit comforting him. It definitely didn't help that he and Brad split the week before, leaving him feeling vulnerable and bitter.  
"She has to be," Tony muttered.

Clay tried to get Tony's mind off it by making small talk and apologized for making a rash decision about Kit's tape. He kept trying to get Tony to say something, anything, but all Tony could think about was what he would do if they came out and said Kit wouldn't be okay. He couldn't imagine life without her. Then his mind went to a different problem.

"She won't be 18 for three more weeks," Tony said suddenly, cutting Clay off mid-sentence.  
"So?" Clay asked. "My mom said given the circumstances and the fact that she's had the job at the diner since she turned 16, she can get an emergency emancipation, she's already filling out the paperwork for her."  
"Just like that?" Tony asked, suddenly even more angry. "That's all it takes?"  
"What do you mean?" Clay asked, overly aware that Tony had tensed up.  
"She could have avoided all of this…if she…" Tony suddenly felt sick. He flew to his feet, his stomach launching. He barely made it to the garbage can before he threw up everything in his stomach.

"Whoa, easy," Clay murmured. He placed a gentle hand on Tony's back. Tony, much to his own dismay, appreciated the gesture. He wiped his mouth and straightened, still feeling sick.  
"She could have just gone down and asked to be emancipated?" he asked.  
"It's not that simple," Clay shrugged. "But in theory, yeah."

Tony didn't say anything else. He sat back down, his eyes locked on the double doors for what felt like an eternity. Eventually, the nurse from earlier came out, an expressionless look on her face.

"Tony, was it?" The nurse asked as she sat down beside him, reading over Kit's chart. She tried to keep her face even, but Tony could see a look of concern creeping up on it. He said nothing, simply nodded. "Karina suffered several injuries," she said hesitantly "And while under normal circumstances, I wouldn't even be allowed to share this with you, before we went into surgery, Karina assigned you as her proxy, do you know what that means?" Tony did. He also knew why Kit did it. Tony was eighteen. He could, from a legal standpoint, make the decision she needed him to make.  
"Yeah," he nodded.  
"Okay," she nodded, reading the chart again. "Karina suffered from four broken ribs on the right side, two cracked ribs on the left, along with a sprained wrist and a hairline fracture in her arm," the nurse tensed slightly. She seemed to be trying to find a way to put things in terms that they would understand. "She also suffered from what we consider a grade 3 concussion, which led to bleeding on her brain. The doctor decided to operate, to help reduce the swelling on her brain. She hasn't woken up yet, but she did seize once after surgery. We're monitoring her in the ICU right now, but I need you to understand that this injury, it's not as scary as it sounds. The first twenty-four hours are crucial, but we are fairly confident that she is going to make a full recovery. She's stable and you definitely made the right call by bringing her in when you did. Tony, you saved her life."

Tony couldn't speak. All he could think about was how if this was any other day, Kit would have fought him, like she had countless times before, about not needing to be checked out. All he could think about was how if she had fell asleep on his floor like she had in the past, she could be dead right now.

Tony felt dizzy, the floor slipping in and out of focus. It wasn't until Clay grabbed his hand that he realized he had been holding his breath.

"She's going to be okay?" he finally asked.  
"I can't promise you that, but I can say that things are definitely looking that way," the nurse said with a reassuring smile. "As soon as she wakes up, someone will come get you."

Tony nodded his thanks and let his head fall to his hands. Clay kept going on and on about something, but he didn't make sense of it. He needed to see her. He needed to know that he wasn't going to be burying another one of his friends. Not her. Not the girl who stood by him through everything. Who was there when he needed her most. He couldn't lose her. He just couldn't.

The minutes dragged on, each one longer than the last. Finally, late into the following morning, a nurse gently shook Tony away. He wasn't even aware he had fallen asleep until that point.

"You're Tony, right?" the young nurse asked softly. She motioned towards the older couple who was sleeping besides him. His parents must have came down at some point. Clay was leaning against the wall, silent, lost in his own thoughts.  
"Yeah, uh, yeah," Tony said, sitting up straighter. His parents woke at the sound of his voice.  
"How is she?" his mom asked, her thick accent reminding Tony of a simpler time.  
"Is she awake?" Tony asked, standing.  
"She is, she's asking for you," the nurse said with a smile. "And good news, amazing news, actually, the doctor did a scan before I came and got you, and said that the swelling went down almost completely. She needs to have the drain removed later, but right now, we're willing to say that if she continues to improve, by the end of the week she can go home."  
"Gracias a Dios," Tony's mom breathed, a genuine smile crossing her lips. Tony smiled at her, grateful that his parents had come. "Go see her, son, she needs you now more than ever," his father said lightly. Tony nodded and followed the nurse down the winding hallway.

When he saw her, he couldn't help but smile. Kit was sitting up, her phone in her hand, a shit eating grin on her face.

"Hey, they tell me you saved my life," she said with a cocky smile. Tony laughed and sat beside her, taking her hand in his. He was overly aware of how cold her hand felt.  
"Yeah, something like that," he shrugged. Kit could see his cheeks redden.  
"So, apparently while I was out, Alex bugged his dad for all the details. Guess who's serving at least the next five years in a 6 by 8?" her smile made Tony feel safe, like everything was going to be okay afterall.  
"About damn time," he said with a heartfelt smile. "How are you feeling?"  
"Good, actually. But that's thanks to the morphine. Pretty boy doc said if I get up and move after they take out the drain, they might be able to let me go home early, permitting I'm not alone for the next week," she smiled. She gave Tony a knowing look.  
"You won't be," Mrs. Padilla chimed in. "Sorry, I needed to see for myself."  
"I'm glad you're here," Kit said brightly. "Dile a este chico que duerma."  
"Él se preocupa, no dormirá hasta que estés en casa y bien," she said, surprised with how fluent Kit was in Spanish. Growing up in the Padilla house, she picked up on a lot of his parents native tongue.  
"She's right you know," Tony chided lightly. "Besides, you hate hospitals. I'm not leaving."  
"Tony, I love you for that, I really do, but they'll never release me if you're a walking zombie when the time comes for you to drive," she laughed. "I'm not allowed to drive for at least three weeks."  
"Hijo, necesitas descansar un poco. Tu padre y yo nos quedaremos con Karina, lo prometo," Mrs. Padilla said gently.  
"It's not fair that you double team me," Tony muttered stubbornly. He stifled a yawn, but proved them both right.  
"Your father can drive you home, I promise, we'll call if anything changes," his mom replied tenderly.  
"Si, mama," Tony finally resolved. Kit squeezed his hand before giving him a knowing look.  
"Come back tomorrow, after you've slept," she said sincerely. "I'll be okay."

Tony didn't want to leave her, but he knew the two most important women in his life were right. Every fiber of his body screamed for sleep. He wasn't sure if he'd be able to, but for them he would try. His dad sensed that he wasn't up for small talk, so the ride home was silent. Tony thanked his dad as he slowly made his way to his room, ignoring Lexi's mile long list of questions in the process. He closed his bedroom door and before his head hit the pillow, he was soundly asleep. For the first time in a long time, he felt like he did something right.


	6. Chapter 6

"It hurts," Kit murmured as the nurse tried to help her stand. It had been a week since the surgery and despite the doctor's reassuring words, she still couldn't stand. Her ribs ached like nothing she had felt before and she was hindered by the brace that was keeping her fracture in place. Her head throbbed and every muscle screamed for her to give up. "I can't."  
"You're not a quitter, c'mon, try again," the nurse urged.

Kit turned her attention to the door when she heard it creak open. Tony stood awkwardly in the doorway, a look of concern on his face. He hadn't left for more than a few minutes at a time since his mother called him to tell him she was struggling to stand. Tony looked exhausted. His parents tried to convince him to get some rest from time to time, that they or Clay could stay with Kit, but Tony was stubborn and wouldn't leave her to deal with this without him.

"Can I?" he looked at the nurse.  
"If you get her to stand, you can have my job," the nurse scoffed. She was frustrated by Kit's negative attitude. "There is no good reason she can't stand." The doctor had done a scan earlier that morning to see if there was any medical reason she couldn't stand. There wasn't.  
"Get out." Tony's tone was bitter. He was sick and tired of how the nurses kept talking to her. After day three, they seemed to lose hope in her. It frustrated him more than he let on.

Tony studied Kit for a moment before standing in front of her, his face set, his tone gentle, yet stern.  
"We're going to try again. I know it hurts like hell, but you're going to stand today, so I can take your ass home with me."  
Kit said nothing, just put her hands on his shoulders while he wrapped his around her waist. Tony felt her muscles tense as she tried to pull herself to her feet, her legs trembling with effort. Then they gave way again, her face going pale as she bit back a scream, whether from frustration or pain, Tony didn't know.

"It's useless," she groaned, flopping back on the bed. "My legs just don't work anymore."  
"You're not giving up that easy," Tony said softly. "The neurologist said it could take some time before your brain remembered how to do stuff, you can do this."

Tony grabbed her waist again, this time leaning forward, allowing her to use him as a crutch. She forced her legs to hold her weight, her hands slowly releasing her grip on his shoulders. Tony saw her eyes light up as she took a single, shaky step before collapsing against him again.

"See?" he said brightly. Kit smiled but lowered herself back to the bed, her eyes wandering to her phone, which hadn't stopped ringing in quite some time. She flipped it over, confused as to why she was staring at so many missed calls. Clay was currently calling her.

"Clay?" she answered.  
"Jesus, you and Tony are horrible at answering your phones," he grumbled. He sounded scared. "Listen, so remember how we were all wondering why Alex seemed so off lately?"  
Kit exchanged a glance at Tony, who looked concerned. She had the phone on speaker.  
"Yeah?"  
"He shot himself last night. Alex tried to kill himself."

His words causes Kit to drop her phone. While she had never been exceptionally close to Alex, in the weeks since Hannah's death she tried to reach out to him, tried to break him away from Bryce and Zach and Justin and get him away from the toxic people he surrounded himself with. Alex was stubborn and insisted he was fine.

"Is he…" Kit couldn't say it. Not again.  
"No, Jessica said he's not good, but he's alive," Clay said, his tone shaking. "I just thought you'd want to know."  
"Yeah," Kit hung up and looked at the door, more determined than ever to walk. "Help?"

Tony didn't ask any questions. He hooked his arm around Kit's back and slowly helped her to her feet. He was amazed by the amount of fight she had. He could feel her muscles tense as she forced herself to walk forward, one step at a time, each one clearly more taxing than the last. After several excruciatingly long minutes, they reached the nurses station. Kit placed both hands on the desk, steadying herself before motioning for a nurse.

"Alex Standall," she breathed, her face pale from the energy it had taken to get her the few hundred feet down the hall. "I know you can't tell me anything, but can you tell me which floor he's on?"  
"Friend of yours?" the nurse asked hesitantly. She was the one who had been helping Kit earlier than morning. The only nurse who didn't talk to her like she was a lost cause.  
"Something like that," Kit said truthfully. Tony kept one hand on Kit's back, just in case she fell. The nurse typed something into the computer before giving Kit a troubled look.  
"He's in the ICU, so 3rd floor. He just got out of surgery about an hour ago, you might be able to find his parents in the waiting room," she said carefully. "That's all I can tell you."  
"That's plenty," Kit nodded. She looked around, grateful when she found an elevator. "C'mon."  
"I'm glad to see you walking, Karina, but you really shouldn't go running around the hospital right now," the nurse said calmly. "I won't stop you from checking in on your friend, but no disappearing, okay? Dr. Christian wants to check your head one more time before he makes a decision to release you or not."  
"Pretty boy doc? He's useless. But I won't run, if that's what you're worried about. I don't have anything to run from anymore," she shrugged. "And it's Kit. Not Karina."  
"Well Kit, you've been in my ER enough times to have a reputation for bolting," she said kindly.  
"Yeah, well, things change," she shrugged. She took another shaky step towards the elevator door, her legs aching more and more with every step.  
"Hang on," Tony said, guiding her over to the wall. Once he was certain she wouldn't fall over, he went over to the nurse and forced his friendliest smile. "Can we use a wheelchair? She's trying, she really is, but even you have to see how much it's taking a toll on her."  
"Sure," the nurse motioned to the row of chairs along the wall. "You got her to walk, that's something right there."  
"I didn't do anything," Tony shrugged. He brought the wheelchair over to Kit and helped her sit. He saw relief wash over her as soon as she was off her feet. Kit was stubborn, he knew she'd be walking with ease in no time. He just couldn't bear to see her in so much pain just to prove a point. He'd seen her through enough of that those last couple weeks.

Kit recognizes Mrs. Standall as soon as they reach the waiting room. Her husband, Deputy Standall, was arguing with a nurse.

"Karina!" Alex's mom called through her tears, a sad smile crossing her lips. "You're okay!"  
"Sure," she shrugged. She carefully pushed herself up from the chair and limped over to the sobbing woman. "How's Alex?"  
"Not good, honey, but the doctors said he'll survive, he just won't be the same Alex anymore," tears streamed down her face. Kit pulled her into a hug, despite the struggle to stay upright. Tony watched, once more amazed by how much Kit fought for other people. Hannah was wrong about Kit. Kit always gave every ounce of who she was for other people. She was one of the kindest, most stubborn people he ever had the pleasure of meeting, and she cared with more compassion and determination than anyone he knew.

"He's got a lot of people praying for him, Carolyn, he's going to be okay, I'm sure of it," Kit reassured her.  
"Karina, it's good to see you're up and moving," Alex's father said. He had tears in his eyes. "When Alex told us…well we were worried about you."  
"I'm not worried about me," she shrugged. She forced a smile. "He's going to be okay, you know, Alex is a lot tougher than people think." She couldn't help but remember all the shit Alex had taken since he started at Liberty. "He's got a lot of people rooting for him."  
"I just wish…" Carolyn broke down again. Kit forced a sad smile then took her hand in her own.  
"Alex is strong, he's going to pull through this. If anyone can, it's him," she said softly.  
"Were you close to him?" Alex's older brother, Peter asked. Kit only met him once before.  
"No, unfortunately, your brother is as stubborn as I am," she said honestly. "But I tried to be there for him. He just didn't want to reach out."  
"Why are you even here then?" he growled. This was hurting him.  
"Peter!" their father scolded.  
"No, it's okay," Kit said with a sad smile. "I'm here because everyone needs someone." She looked back at Tony who gave her a slight smile. "Everyone needs to know someone cares."


End file.
